I’m Still Here

Its been a good year since last I wrote.  It has been a good, full, exciting, stressful, fun, and *enter other awesome adjective here*  year!

Today I wanted to write about something that’s been on my mind lately…  It comes in the definition of a few things:
1-Take care of yourself  and 2-reduce stress

I am the type to always say “yes”!  Not only to others but to myself as well.  I am invincible. I can do that. I can be done with these 20 things in one week. Sure I’ll take on another project.

What does this do? It causes me to stress out and worry and hope everything goes well. Make sure everyone else is taken care of. Make sure everyone is happy.

I am here to tell you, again because I’m sure you already have heard it,  Take care of yourself first!  And its 1000% ok to say no!
I am all about service and helping people and doing what I can to help another in need.  However if I’m not capable of doing it well, I don’t want to help them in a half full capacity!

Over the past little bit of this “I’m invincible” state I was in.  I came to learn (again..this is one of those life long lessons) that in order to help them, I have to help me!

I was overwhelmed!  Mentally, I was stressed and worried all the time. Physically I felt like my “happy space” in my home wasn’t happy anymore and it was encroaching on my happy space it used to be!

So the past few months, actually about 6 to be exact. I have begun to take care of things that need to be taken care of.  Some of it mental has come first and some of it physical has come first. Like in January my mom came to visit and we got rid of about 16 bags of garbage, and about 8 big boxes of things that were donated, ALL out of my kitchen!  And my kitchen isn’t that big!   Its been a bit of a process but things are happening.

My Dr gave me a list of things I need to work on and on the list it said:  Reduce stress- Take care of things don’t take things on.
In my head it was like a light bulb- yes those are the words that I’ve been doing but didn’t have a way to put it! I’m taking care of stuff that needs it to make my sanity and mental state prime!  So that life can be “regularly stressful” instead of “constant stress and overwhelming-ness” 😉

I am making it ok to say “I’m going to sit on the porch with my puppy and do a long overdue blog post”
I’m taking the day as it comes and making sure at the end of the day I say “Check out what I did!”  instead of saying “well today sucked because I didn’t do this and this, and I still have this and this”

Go do something for you!

Just a short note today.. But I’ll be back sooner than next year!

D

 

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The Past Couple of Days…Weeks…Years

 

 

Through life we go through journeys, paths, roads, adventures….all of the above? right?   sometimes it feels like this:

  Smooth sailing!  beautiful day!  happy music playing, full tank of gas!
 
Some days we feel more like this:
 
 
    up and down.. tummy turning.. maybe a little dizzy?
 
some days it more like this:
 
  Mud hole! Spinning wheels! need help! can the help, help or just watch?  how did I get here? how can I get out? 
 
 
Some days it could be like this:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
it didn’t make you stuck in the mud hole but the hit sure hurt!  is there permanent damage?  crap! my tire is flat!   delays ahead!
 
 
 
 
 
 
What about days like this!
 
 
 

  cant think because the surrounding area is too dirty and murky!

 
what about this:
 
  obviously you cant get through it…well I suppose you could but would that be the best choice?  do you turn around?  
 
  
For me the past couple/few years I have been down many of these roads and more!  (not literally!  these are all google images  hehe)!
I have ran into emotional blocks like depression and anger.   I have ran into physical stop signs with issues concerning the goals I am trying to accomplish such as, goal weight, internal issues, and having babies. 
I have come to many closed gates… what did I do?  I got out and opened them!!!  how did I do that?  well sometimes it felt like this:
 
Cold and windy,  no protection, all alone… yet I made it to the gate and opened it to new adventures, a new path and a new journey!
 
I have been on a road of learning and education and I has been amazing!  I do not and will never regret it!  the things I have learned and the growth I have made has just been incredible! 
I am not saying I have stopped learning or growing, nor that I will stop studying and putting forth the time and energy to learn the things that I need to!  what I am saying is…. well it reminds me of stair cases like these:
 
 
 
You have a long set of stairs ahead of you!   But with each “few” stairs there is a break!  you start your journey with one step! you get to the top, you get  break, a drink, a reward, an answer…etc…  then begins the next steps!  you still have the steps behind that have brought you here to this point… and you have completed that mission, if you will.  well do you want to stay on that landing?  no thanks!  I’ll keep going! my goal is at the top!  I’ll take that step up the next set of stairs to get me there!
 
The past couple of weeks (ok it may have been a month by now), I have been on the last few steps toward a landing!  I took each step as it came!  I looked forward to what I needed to accomplish, and I have made it to the landing! 
 
The past few days I have “recuperated” (for lack of a better word) and I have stretched my calves, gotten a drink, and took a deep breath!  and I am SO ready to begin the next set of stairs!!  I am at the bottom of this set… its just the beginning!  But I will make it to the top no matter the time it takes, no matter the cost (literal and figurative), no matter the pain!   I am not alone!  I will and can do this!
 
I am so grateful to my husband, my mom, my sisters, my family, my friends and acquaintances and even some strangers!  For your love and support as I learn and grow through this journey!!   
 
Take the time to live in the moment!  look past the pain to the goal!  When you are focused on the pain, you’re only thinking of yourself… think of those around you! think about those who look to you.  and think of those you’re fighting for!
  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sisters Are Like Stars

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Sisters are like stars, you cant always see them, but you know they are there! 

For one of my birthdays 9 or 10 years ago, my sister Teresa gave me a paper with that quote printed on it and some fun bright colored stars and shooting stars.  I didn’t know then how much that paper would mean to me in 10 years!  it is now framed hanging in my hallway.  Some day I also want that quote that says because we have part of our family in heaven we have part of heaven in our home!  That is where Teresa is… in heaven, looking after me, my other sisters, my brothers, her children, and her family!

I used to hear “old folks” say things like “I remember exactly what I was doing and where I was when…(insert some major world event)”  for some reason I just didn’t understand how and why they would remember that!  Well then I had major things happen to me! (or in my life)  Like my sister dying.  (my dad and grandma in the two consecutive years).   And guess what?  I can replay that day like it was yesterday!!  I realize now what those “old folks” went through and how and why they remembered exactly what happened and where they were! 

Teresa left this world physically 8 years ago.  She is still here!  She is with her oldest daughter as she experiences life as a wife and mother!  She is holding her second daughters hand as she learns what road to walk down and while she goes through a time in life that is hard for everyone!  She is with her son as he grows up and becomes a man, a strength, to his family!  And she is holding her youngest daughter, although she remembers very little of her mom, as she grows up and becomes a young woman!

And she was with me today pushing me to step outside my comfort zone!  she is there when I need someone to talk to, and there when I need some strength, and someone to lean on!

I have no doubt that she is and will always be around helping and serving us where ever we need it! 

Teresa, 

I miss you so much!  sometimes I wonder how life has gone on with out you! then I realize it hasn’t! you’re still here!  I can still tell you all about my hopes and dreams and wishes!  and you still believe in me like you have my entire life!!  I love you!!!!

Deborah