Reality Setting In…

What is reality anyway?   I suppose its the facts of life…  That seems like a good short definition for it.

Just over a month ago, my brother passed away.    Through the week of his death and funeral I of course know that its “reality”, because death is fact, its a part of life.  But at the same time it isn’t reality!  Its an emotionally draining, physically draining, “make this happen” type of time, where you’re distracted by things you need to do and people there supporting you.    Having the support of family and friends literally helps you just make it through the day or week….

Then you get back to “reality”,  back to your daily tasks and responsibilities.  And you see his picture and wish you hugged him one more time.   Then  you go to your moms and she still has tons of flowers from the funeral, and her house smells like a flower shop.  Reality says:  Funeral happened.  You see his car parked in moms yard and reality says:  He wont be inside to greet you! many times when I would go to my moms he would be there. Often times I only saw him for a minute, but that minute was worth it!  My mom told me once that Marc had waited at her house to see me, because I was on my way.  I didn’t know how much that meant to me until I wont have that chance again.

I didn’t “grow up” with my brother in the traditional sense of the word.  I am 20 years younger than him.  That kind of makes me grateful because my other brother and my sisters have horror stories like I wouldn’t have wanted to experience!  Eating bugs, and holding pillows while he practiced Karate among them!  I suppose he can hold a horror story against me though 🙂  I spit up in his mouth/face when I was a baby…even though he was warned that I had just eaten! 🙂  I have many many fond memories of Marc.  I watched him and I looked up to him for all his good qualities and traits that I admired! I learned a lot of what NOT to do from my older brother.  But the things I learned to do from him by far outweigh the bad.

I don’t know how it works in the eternal perspective of things, or how God knew the last time I talked to Marc was going to be the last.  But I know the “I love you’s” that we shared were more heartfelt for a reason.

I have been through almost too many family (or close as family) deaths in the last 9 years. No it doesn’t get easier.  I have been affected so differently from each of them.  Each has left a hole in my heart, yet made my heart bigger.

I miss you Marc, more and more all the time.  I love you!!