Someday

I am going to get personal in this post, which is really hard for me to do! But it just keeps coming back to me that I should write this! So I hope that means it is because it will help someone who reads it!
So from the beginning….
I grew up with an amazing family! The best parents a girl could ask for! And a plethora of siblings that are my friends, examples, psychologists, teachers…etc.
I have been married now for almost 4 years. I have the most amazing husband in the world! He is such a good man! I am SO blessed to have him! I have an amazing life! I live in the middle of nowhere on a ranch, I have always been a country girl at heart! And when I got married that dream came true! I have a wonderful house and yard that I take care of. And I help around the ranch as much as possible!
Something is missing…
Before I got married I knew I wanted kids, no question! I want to be a mom and have a family! I had my ideas (as a single young woman) how I would be as a mother. I also thought I was going to start a family right away….
Well… 4 years is around the corner and I don’t have any babies 🙂
Here’s the thing: I KNOW I will have children! We have chosen to do things as natural as possible for now. I feel very directed (by God) to be doing what I am doing, and changing my ways and being more healthy. I don’t mind people suggesting things and offering their advice or opinions or success stories. Just don’t be offended if I don’t do what you say 🙂 I am not opposed or against medical intervention or doing things medical. But for me, for us right now this is what we are meant to do.
Going through this journey of beginning a family I have has a lot of epiphanies and inspirational moments concerning parenting. I hope and pray that I may be a good mom, and fulfill the calling of motherhood!
I have also had some questions that seem to be the kind that won’t be answered till I get to the Big Man upstairs, and see what this is all about! Like why are there so many people who want children who can’t? Mean while there are boat loads of babies being aborted! (Aka killed!). I just don’t get it!!
I applaud those mothers who feel like they cant give their babies what they need and they give their babies to mothers who want them! Also called adoption!! If God opens the door for me to be able to adopt I will gladly, freely, humbly, and more grateful than you would even know, walk through that door!! Sometimes I think it’d be nice if someone just came up to me and said they wanted me to have their baby, or wish I would find a baby on my door step or like in the book “Christmas Jars”, in a booth at a restaurant 🙂
Part of me thinks “oh that’s not real”… And part of me thinks if that’s how it’s supposed to happen and that’s how I get my babies than that is Gods hand in a miracle!
I have down days, I have days I just want to cry! I have days that I think negatively…. Luckily those days are few! I won’t loose hope! and I will keep the faith! And I will continue to do all I can to be able to conceive and have children. And I will be positive! I can and will have a family!!
It’s a family joke that I am the favorite aunt…(well its really true it’s not a joke;) ) but one of my epiphanies that I mentioned, is that I think God made me the favorite aunt for a reason! I think He knew I needed it!! 🙂 I am so grateful for all of “my” kids!!
I pray this post helped one of you in some way or another! I Think it helped me to write it 🙂

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A few of the nieces and nephews at a sleepover 🙂

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One thought on “Someday

  1. Deborah, I stumbled upon your blog and happen to see this post about your fertility problem. I don’t know if you know that there are physicians who deal with infertility who adhere to Catholic teaching (no contraceptives and no IVF) who identify the problem that is causing the infertility and using NATURAL methods to diagnose and resolve the issue that is causing the infertility. Here are two links. I’m not sure of the difference between NaPro method and the Creighton model. But they are somehow related:
    http://www.popepaulvi.com/
    http://www.creightonmodel.com/index.html

    God bless!

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